Dear Starseed mothers,
I have never thought of myself as a mother. When growing up, I was instilled the thirst for knowledge, achievement, success. Plus my undeniable sense of purpose ever since I was a little kid has created this never-ending strive for fulfillment. Solidifying fulfillment as my number one value in life.
This is why growing up was a race for me. Race to achieve more, faster, get to a higher level, be better, then even better, then better than everyone else. I knew that one day I would probably be a mother, but always thought of that day as a remote one, far from now, only after I am comfortable in the career I have built.
When my awakening started in 2012, I got pregnant after a month of knowing my future husband. That was followed by an abortion and two miscarriages later. All that time I was still in college, trying to build a graphic design business, and being pretty successful at it. At that time a seed of being a mom was planted in my awareness.
I was still focused on my business, but a year from then everything started changing. I found myself with this growing emptiness inside of me, despite of my successful business I loved, despite all my achievements and successes. I felt as if my life was empty, as if I was useless to the world, and I started really craving being a mom. All for wrong reasons. I thought it would give me a sense of purpose, this feeling that I matter. As somehow my business that I really loved failed to do so.
I was on the desperate search for my true purpose.
6 months later we did get pregnant, although we were not trying, but not preventing either. I was happy and excited. Even though I was absolutely clueless about what it would be like to be a parent, I was giddy about this feeling of newness filling my life. I was never around pregnant women or small children growing up, so for me it was a completely uncharted territory. Especially taking into consideration that my pregnancy turned out to be very high vibe Starseed telepathic experience.
It was all amazing, I had a super healthy natural pregnancy, gave birth at home without any drugs or interventions, just like I envisioned. I was so inspired and empowered by this experience that I even wrote a small book and created a site aimed at help women give birth naturally without fear and stay inspired all throughout their pregnancy – www.iwasmadetodothis.com.
Then about 6 months into motherhood my Ascension kicked up a notch. I started the clearing and purging process that made me look at every tiny detail of my life, and transform everything that was not in alignment with my True Self.
It was calling me to look at every aspect of myself and accept it, love it unconditionally, even if society, parents, friends judged it.
This was when I have discovered something about myself that made my hairs stand. I have realized that I enjoyed being in my mission, writing, giving intuitive sessions way more than caring for my child. I realized that felt was more fulfilled and alive when I was giving a session, than when I was playing with my daughter.
It made me want to throw up. I was in so much distress about this revelation. I felt like I was an awful human being, I felt like I was not deserving of having this beautiful ascended soul call me “mama”.
All my life I grew up knowing that a good mom was a woman whose life stopped when children were born, who sacrificed all for the well-being of her children, who loved cooking for them, playing with them, who took them to soccer practice or dance, baked cookies and came up with fun activities.
In this scenario I viewed myself as a complete antichrist. I was the opposite of all that “perfection”. I hated cooking, I felt that the blood in my veins was my purpose, and unless I dedicate myself to fulfilling my highest potential, my life had no meaning whether I had children or not. I felt that if God took everything away from me, I could still be happy and feel fulfilled in my service: helping people, writing, teaching. I would find a way to do it no matter the circumstances.
I felt so bad, I felt worthless. I was the opposite of what I was taught by my parents, TV, society, a good mom was.
But then I stopped and tuned in. And had a profound life-changing thought, that I really want to share with you today.
If my daughter was born to be a leader like me, what good would it make for her to have a mom who sacrificed all of her ambition and passions for her?
What good would it make if I baked cookies and played house, silently resenting her and my life for not being able to do what I crave? She would see that behavior and do exactly that herself! And do I want her to sacrifice her purpose for the sake of her children, or taking care of elderly parents, or opinions of society or her peers? Never.
If there’s one thing I could really teach my daughter, it would be that being authentically you and pursuing your wildest dreams and aspirations without apologizing to anybody is safe. Not only that, that it leads to the greatest fulfillment, freedom, personal flow. It leads to you living out your life’s purpose, helping the world, changing lives.
That moment a lot of the things lined up and became very clear: how we as mothers are not here to make our children happy, to help them not get traumatized or save them from anything.
We, the Starseed mothers, are here to teach by example, and show our children that truly living from the heart is safe, even if it means going against the society’s “norm” or acceptance. Only this way will we ever be able to raise a generation of authentic strong leaders, fully aligned to the power of their True Selves.
Now, realizing it was one hard part. After that, I had to accept and unconditionally love that part of myself. And what did that mean on a practical level? Living it! Living my purpose, taking as much time for my personal growth and development as needed, taking as much time for my writing and clients as my soul craved, not judging myself (this was a biggie and one of the hardest ones) for not fitting into this fabled mold of a mother I thought I needed to be, not getting down on myself for when my child was not happy about me leaving to meditate or write.
These practical steps were and are so hard, but having years of ascension “growing pains” behind my belt and seeing the results, I now have such a strong faith in the power of small consistent actions, as I have seen how they can add up to become a big beautiful change.
And while I am still a work in progress, I really wanted to share this with the struggling mothers out there, who hold themselves back from fully diving into what their soul is asking them to do in favor of this myth that you need to be anything else but yourself with your true feelings and desired in order to be a good mom.
You are a good mom, and you are giving your children the greatest gift and freedom by being fully authentically yourself.
I know that so many of you reading this post are being called to be leaders, teachers, to go out and share your stories, your experiences, your growth. You are being called to finally take the leap of faith and take up that huge project you have always thought you will do, you are being called to accept your BIGness and your FULLness and shine it to the world, as you came here to do just that. I know that so many of you are mothers of future leaders, who will take all the results of our life-changing work, and take them much much further. To change the vibration and systems of this planet.
With this post I wish you the courage to accept yourself as the mother you are, and the power to live it unapologetically. Loving yourself for who you are in your Divine perfection, as a perfect incarnation of the aspect of God in form.
I hope this has been helpful. <3 The times we are in are energetically all over the place. And we are about to experience the release of the full moon coupled with Mercury Retrograde. That is why I have offered 9 sessions for $99 instead of regular price of $250. There are still couple left, so claim your discounted session while the offer lasts here: http://www.genbook.com/bookings/offers/2066374592?bookingSourceId=1025
With much love, Katya <3