All my life I was trying to escape from feeling.
It was just too intense. I could feel what everyone around me was feeling, plus my own feelings. In my quest to escape from feelings, I got so dissociated from everything. From the majority of my life. And there were so many distractions out there to help me. But now this issue is looking me straight in the face. Not only am I being called to really feel my life through, but also be there for my daughter, which means feeling all her pains too, as in trying to understand her I need to be fully tuned in to her, and that means feeling what she feels.
Its challenging. Its like climbing a mountain that I have been avoiding all my life. Like I have been denying this part of being a human, as it has always been too intense, too hard. Easier to distract yourself and move on, hoping it disappears.
It never did. And now its all coming back.
Then two weeks ago, when we were on vacation in Mexico, my daughter was really having a hard time. She was constantly whiny, very clingy. She did not want to be off me at all. She lived in my arms, as everything else brought her much distress. Understandably so – new climate, new food, all new surroundings, new daily routine, a lot of people around. I, naturally in attempts to comfort her, held her as much as I could, until I physically could no more. I pushed myself to the limit for the sake of making her comfortable and feeling safe.
And then one day I decided to tune in and ask her Higher Self what can I do to make this more pleasant for her, to help her cope with all the newness.
The second I set my intention, I heard her Higher Self almost yell at me: “Stop saving me from my life!”
That was as clear as it could get. And such a revelation to me. As all throughout motherhood (almost 1.5 years so far) I have been very mindful of her sensitivity, and tried to be there for her as much as possible, helping her navigate this new world and to feel safe around different energies of people. It has never occurred to me that I was actually preventing her from living fully to an extent. I was preventing her from feeling the feelings she has set out to feel, even the negative ones, even the intense ones. I was preventing her from learning to feel all the spectrum of emotions.
Another piece of the puzzle was added to it when I watched this video by Teal Swan – Emotional Wake-Up Call, in which she talks about how important it is to allow our children to feel, validate those feelings, and instead of distracting children from feeling, be there with them in as much empathy, as we are capable of, offering them ways of navigating these life situations only after they have felt the emotion to completion.
It all came together then. I was never allowed to do that. I was successfully distracted from feeling negative emotions all my childhood. I later learned how to do that for myself too. So now that I am almost 29, I am just now learning to allow myself to feel them. I am just now learning what to do when I feel angry, or frustrated, or depressed. I am just now catching up to fully being a human – a sensitive attuned human. And I was unconsciously setting up my daughter for the same outcome.
So what I have learned from this, is that parenting sensitive children does not imply shielding them from feeling “too much” or filtering energy around them. But rather helping them learn to navigate the fullness of human experience without escaping or denying any part of it.
Thus helping them grow into adults strong and confident in their sensitivity, equipped with tools to handle strong emotions, higher perspectives and acceptance of their humanness from the start.
I hope this helps you if you are going through something very similar. I know how new this is, almost like learning to human all over again ( in a way that is exactly what we are doing) AND teaching our children to do the same. But on the brighter side, when we start accepting our lives fully in feeling them fully right with our children, we start noticing how we relax. As we no longer fight what our lives are. And our children can grow up relaxed and allowing their life to flow through them too, and we can be there for them offering unconditional presence and support.
Love, Katya <3