Yesterday all day I felt very sad and empty, all for no apparent reason. When I would sit down to meditate and write in my journal, all I kept repeating was “I feel like I am dying”. And not literally, not physically, but in the feeling of separating, letting go. Just about a week or two ago ( man, time is really all a blur now) I was told that now that they energy of my Higher Self has been downloaded into my body, the grounding process is beginning. Whatever that means. I understand it on the energy level but can’t consciously explain it even to myself 🙂
This grounding process showed itself yesterday with a surprising hit. The fear of death. And surprisingly enough, even knowing all about death, seeing myself die countless times in meditation, I still found myself triggered with this fear. That day I started receiving all of these emails about life insurance and funeral costs, and I found that they really triggered that fear. From then on, I kept hearing these questions: “Will you let yourself die if your soul chose so? Would you let go of your mission? Would you let go of being a mother ? Would you let go of being a wife to your star match? Would you let go of the physical world, if that was a part of the divine plan? ”
Wow, that was an unexpected lesson of ultimate detachment, but I felt through it. And I thought we were going to move on, but this feeling of a part of me actually dying did not leave.
Later that night I went to meditate to be with myself in this weird feeling, and here is what I saw in meditation and wrote down in my journal. Doesn’t get any more raw than that.
I really feel like I am dying, and I am all alone.
I saw myself giving up into this death, and angels taking me up, up, up. One on each side holding my hands. There I got to meet this being of light. Human shaped but made entirely of light. Super high vibration. It said “Hi I am your Lightbody.” “Reunion” – I heard my guides say. And I feel like I have died. And I am grieving that loss.
My mind is still freaking out though. It makes no sense. And I see it as a crying child. And I am rocking that child to sleep and crying right with it. I can’t help it, but I can only be there for him.
And I saw myself as my mother in-law crying and felt her, and my mom crying and felt her, and my daughter crying for me and felt her and my husband crying and felt him…it’s like I feel everyone, like I am one heart with them.
I can only compare this process with labor: when you are not sure of anything but your pain, and you are completely in the hands of god. That is how I feel.
And I stand kinda looking at my corpse. And saying good buy to it. And it’s very bittersweet, as I know somewhere in that vision that great things wait for me, but now in this moment I am just grieving. And letting go of that wonderful girl.
Its like I wanna hug her and hold on to her, I say “Even though I know you are bad for me, I want to come with you”.
But I know I have to let go.
We are going on the boat. We are talking her body to the middle of the river. And I put her so gently on the flow and let go. And I see the river flow taking her further and further. And I am just breaking down. They are all behind me. Mother Mary right with me. My guides, angels, archangels with me all behind us. They all comfort me, especially Mother Mary.
Now we are all by some waterfall doing a cleansing ceremony. They are all bathing me in the waterfall and smudging me, and chanting healing chants. And I am just numb and empty. Now they brought big elephants. They clothed me and now we all sat on big elephants and set out for the journey into the New Earth. We have some time to go, Mother Mary is with me comforting me.
They show me ripping off the band-aid that is I guess what I did today. Don’t know, but I most def need some healing. (So that you understand clearly, the whole time I am writing this I am balling crying in grief of this part of me dying.)
“You feel so week because you have just let go of a huge aspect of yourself. Part of you just died after all.” – I hear.
We are still on elephants. It’s peaceful but grief is still there. We have these covers over us and it’s raining, but all is very peaceful. We go past Egypt and Pyramids, I see the whole creation from the beginning then we go past Italy and Roman Empire, then we go past China, past Tibet, past Russia back in the day, past Ukraine, it’s like I see history of all humanity of all the world on the way as I still feel occasional tears dropping down my cheeks. They say we have arrived.
I see a huge beautiful sun over horizon but right in front of us. As if we are at the horizon line. And we all walk into it. Wow its like magic there. The air is filled with visible energy. I can see all thoughtforms and feeling-forms materializing. It looks dense as it is all colored, but in reality it’s way less dense: like molecules are spread out further apart here.
A whole another world exists there, another matrix, not the same from old world. I think we finally created New Earth. Because that is where new people are. Everyone is super surprised and happy and looking around, and touching each other, like “Is this real?:)” Everyone still feeling much grief like me, some already more adapted than others. But it is a beautiful place. Harmony and one heart is there. We there really all have one heart.
Then I see this woman, she is all dressed in black with a huge crow next to her. And she says something mean, and I hug her and break down and I say “I love you too” ( for some reason that was the only thing I knew to say at that moment), and hug her as tight as I can, and she accepts it, the love, the hug. May be it is my shadow that I finally accepted, the mean girl inside my head. She is now next to me, eyes full of love, holding my hand. Now we are friends.
We sit in the New Earth and observe everyone looking around. We smile at each other. We know: now we will work together. She is like my twin. Looks exactly like me. Its kinda weird : ) so we just gonna sit here until we get our first assignment. In peace.
We have crossed the threshold of the new earth.
Wow! To say it was powerful is to say nothing at all. It was so profound. And coincidentally ( well, you know I really mean Divinely 🙂 ) my client that night was a Lightbody activator for humanity. Holy magic!
And today I come across this article from Suzanne Lie and my home-crew The Arcturians and so much of this is starting to make sense.
What do you guys think? Have you had similar experiences? Let’s chat in comments! I can not wait to hear what your thoughts and insight on this process are.
Love, Katya <3