The reason why I say “but” is because that is the eye of the internal conflict we as mothers experience. It is a space filled with guilt, fears we never knew existed, doubts and worries. We feel the strong internal pull to finally get on with our mission.
We know – it is time.
The voice inside is no longer whispering, all timid and shaky. That voice is now a loud roar, the kind that cancels out all else, the kind that paralyzes with its intensity and shakes our being to the core of our bones. We know that that something important we have been carrying inside all of our lives is finally ready to be born, ready to be expressed, unleashed, untethered. We feel the urgency. We feel inspiration.
All is there, so why is it still so hard?
As we delve deep into our feelings of resistance towards our own fulfillment, we discover fears that are as diverse, as all the species on this planet: what if my child doesn’t love me if I don’t give them all my attention, what if the child grows up feeling deprived of a mother, what if I deeply wound the child with my absence or constant pursuit of what I need to fulfill this energy within, that they will have to go through the same hell I went through with my own mother wound, what if something happens in my absence… You know that this list can go on. We wonder if the fact that we are sometimes more interested in reading ascension update articles or watching videos that help us transcend whatever we are working through than playing with our children, is making us a horrible human being. We go though excruciating ascension symptoms that sometimes nail us to bed for hours, silently hating ourselves for not being “tough enough” and taking this time for ourselves.
We find that we doubt if we are good mothers at all, as we see that our model of parenthood and family life (if we were to fully go with our expansion), vastly differs from the “norm”, from this fabled “happy family image” that we have constructed over the years, as we have listened to our parents, listened to our teachers, to our friends, society, TV, the image that has been encoded in our DNA by ages of patriarchy.
We have learned that a good mother is a mother that: sacrifices all for her child, takes care of a child and family first before ever taking care of herself, has her house in order: dishes done, laundry ironed, silverware polished, she cooks, she cleans, she comes up with games and fun for her children. We have adopted the belief that a good mother is the one whose children are happy and content.
And here we are, “half-here”, flying in space, crying all the time integrating our shadow or doing inner child work, feeling grief, sadness, anger that is cleansing out, we are wiped out physically from all the body updates AND all that inner work we are doing, we are desperately looking for tools and teachers to help us.
None of those beliefs are entirely wrong, but they are all backwards as f%^k, my friends, and are preventing us from living our soul’s mission AND from helping our children do the same.
Now that it is really time for all the starseeds and lightworkers to actively move in direction of their soul’s fulfillment, I started getting more and more clients with these feelings of guilt, clients who are holding themselves back from acting on their inspiration and desires because they feel it will somehow inadvertently harm their children. I started getting more and more clients with “When children grow up a little, I will…” And the guidance that has been coming in through those clients’ Higher Selves was so strong, so valuable to me as I am going through those exact same feelings, that I felt such a strong need to share it, and hopefully empower many women out there to follow their unique path, to give them another way of looking at it, to give them courage to jump. Even in the face of fear, but jump.
To all our fears, to all our doubts and “what ifs”, here is what has been coming through:
The greatest gift we can give to our children as starseed mothers is to show on our own example that being fully yourself and fully living your truth is safe.
That it brings happiness and fulfillment. So that when they grow up, they will not even think twice before making that decision for themselves. So that they grow up seeing alignment in action, and consequently full alignment with their true power, even in the face of adversity, will be their default choice. That way they learn to never turn away from themselves, their dreams and true beliefs.
By living our purpose we empower our children to do the same without hesitation. Remember, they came here to further our efforts in important missions of their own.
Even if that means being away more than your model of theoretical ideal motherhood allows. Even if that means going on a peaceful meditative stroll instead of the park sometimes. Even if that means watching self-help videos instead of cartoons. Even if that means traveling to conferences, giving speeches, live events, and dragging all your family with you. Even if that means they might grow up on the road. Or with daddy, or grandma.
The life that your mission will dictate as you say YES more and more times, will be the perfect life for you and your family to learn precisely the lessons everyone came here to learn.
So how can we start to move in the direction of our mission? How do we say yes, when the fear is so strong?
- Take the time needed for you to express yourself. Even if it is just an hour a day. Or an hour a week. Small consistent effort adds up. Here lies so many lessons for us: to learn self-love in following our nudges of inspiration, of internal call to action, of letting our True Self to be expressed as and through us when the soul is calling, learning to live and thrive in the grey area of life (as even if we have grand plans for our mission, they are not necessarily meant to be fulfilled overnight or at “buckle up and get it all done” capacity we used to do it before we became mothers). In the long run, what will we have to give to our children if we do not fill our own love tank by giving our own inner children what they need and crave? Whether that being time alone, meditation or active creative expression
- Remember, it is not your responsibility to make your children happy. It is, on the other hand, part of your mission to help them develop into empowered aligned human beings. I know this one is one of the most excruciating things to learn, but just like we are not responsible for the emotional well being of our parents, friends and coworkers, we are not responsible for making our children happy and content all the time. It might bring us temporary comfort, but will serve a great disservice to them, as they have many lessons of their own to learn just as we do. And the best thing we can do for our little ones is to let them learn and be there for them in unconditional acceptance and love, no matter what emotion they might be experiencing. On a more practical level, they might be mad at you for having to go to write or meditate, let’s say, and they are entitled to experience that feeling, it is absolutely just that they feel like that. In that moment you can empathize with them, understand why they feel that way, and and be there for them as unconditional support, but do the right thing and proceed with your mission. Whatever it might entail for you.
- Be real with your children. Show them your struggles in this process and the whole process of ascension. Show your emotions. Share your experiences with them. That way they will grow up knowing the real person, with whom it is safe to share. They will learn that it is OK to express emotion, to be unsure, to not know, to feel afraid. They will also be able to better understand what you are going through and empathize, sometimes offer advice, their higher perspectives. You might be surprised what kind of gems of consciousness are hidden in your children, but you will never find out until you try and be 100% real.
- Remember this mantra: I Am A Master, And I Am Helping Another Master Develop. I started using this affirmation a couple of months ago, and it really is helping me to change my perspective while looking at difficult situations IN the moment. It really helps me deeply ground myself in the belief that I am a great ascended being incarnated on Earth, but so is my daughter, and what she needs the most from me, is my help to develop into this ascended being here in the physical human form.
- Know that by being real and fulfilling yourself you are giving your children the greatest gift, the greatest freedom to be fully unapologetically themselves. So that they will never feel this resistance towards their True Self that we are working through right now. They will never second-guess their desire to move in the directions of their dreams and pure self-expression. No matter what others might think. No matter how others might feel. They will have this built-in emotional freedom.
- Don’t be afraid to mess up. This art of balancing our mission and conscious motherhood can only be found in practice: that is by messing up. But remember, now, even if we mess up sometimes and our children do get hurt by our absence or over-investment in our mission, we know how to be open with them, how to be vulnerable and real with them. And hence transcend the situation, let the feelings through and out, feel the pain, the confusion of this stage of growth, and let yourself and your children expand.
I am right here with you looking in the face of fear, that seemingly binds our every move. But I believe in myself, and I believe in you, and I know we will jump anyway. In the face of fear and doubts, in the face of not knowing and sometimes not believing. We have the tools and higher perspectives to see this situation as EMPOWERMENT of our children instead of traumatizing.
On this note I wish you to jump and find the confidence of balance in the process. <3
What are your feelings about stepping into your mission and going through ascension process while also parenting? What fears and doubts do you experience? Have you found other amazing ways to transcend them ? Let’s share in the comments below.
Love, Katya <3
Want to know why I write this? Read my story here. If you like what I have to say in my blogs and videos, you might love a private session with me. You can read all about them here and book yours, following the book now link.